And everywhere I go, There's always something to remind me, Of another place and time Where love that travelled far had found me.

( "Remind Me"/ Royksopp)

So I'm sitting here in what is supposed to be my last Monday of class as an undergrad at the University of Southern California, and I can't handle it. I sat in Starbucks this morning, drinking coffee, reading, and bbming, and it hadn't hit me. I waited on the corner of Jefferson and Hoover to cross the street and just began to think about how I wanted to be on a subway. I suddenly wanted a commute. I missed it. I love sitting on the bus and train in the morning and in the evening. It's the perfect time to myself and perfect points of the day. I love it because once you're on the train or the bus, there's nothing else you can do, the commute is now out of your power and all you can do is sit and think and listen to music I'm usually a little late for everything, but once I sit down on the bus I'm relieved, because that's the best I can do in that moment and I almost never get the feeling.

If not Today, Easter will come

(Father Fred, Easter homily)

SO, i realize in my previous post I forgot to mention my new and recent obsession with the West Wing. This a very impotent detail in life right now, as this show is effin amazing. I had honestly never even seen an episode in my life until about two weeks ago, and i'm not sure how this happened. If you have not seen West Wing, and you enjoy quick-paced, intelligent, politically relevant discussion & exchanges, I highly recommend you watch this show.

I don't have anything to say other than to declare my love for West Wing in a public setting outside of twitter, so I'm going to default to talking about POTATOES. Now, yes, lent is over but only by two weeks, and I'm still in my potato-rediscovery phase, as i don't very often cook potatoes for myself at my apartment, i pretty much go for the simplest items possible: sandwiches, pasta, platanos, and sometimes rice, as far as starches go.I don't eat enough myself in order to justify the effort it takes to make a lot of things, including potatoes. There certainly are days when I nuts and make rice, beans, meat, and salad, but i honestly don't foresee myself doing this in the coming weeks until i move out, so whatever. anyway, potatoes. Today, after class, which I'm in right now, I will be going to the 2-9 with my bff roommate for burgers, and, most importantly, SWEET POTATO FRIES. I am very excited about this, as it will be my first order of sweet potato since january or february. I did very well, my lost readers, I never touched a single potato during lent, even when faced with potato salads, soups, chips, and french fries. I'm glad i was able to keep that up, even if i was made of fail in terms of bog updates. we'll work on it.

I'm Currently sitting in my penult wednesday of classes, the specific class being PPD 358 Urban and Regional Economics, one of my "for funsie" elective senior spring classes, my other is my next class, Drawing 101. Other electives I have taken was Art History 499 Art of the Prado Museum, last semester while in Madrid, and Journalism 499 Latinos in News Media, my freshman year. I need to get better at choosing electives as the only one of the classes that has been pure fun was the Art History class, and that was only because i was in Spain and the class was physically held in the Prado. The teacher also happened to be one of the best I'd ever had while at USC. I went to go see my Jour 499 professor from freshman year yesterday and he was so nie and showered me with compliments praising my talent and intelligence, saying that I would certainly get a job at some point because of it. I hope he was right, from his mouth to God's ears, otherwise it's always nice to hear such things, especially right now, from someone that knew me 3 years ago. Drawing 101 is not so fun, because i mentally cannot focus on anything for 3 hours straight, twce a week, especially ONE THING, ONE DRAWING. I go moderately insane in the during of that class. I thought it would be good for me, you know teach me how to focus better, be more detail oriented, but no. I don't like it. I'm also not very good. My econ class is surely interesting, different from what I expected, but still falls pretty safely within my wide scope of interest being that I'm obsessed with Urban Structure, culture, and classes, and recently fascinated by economic policy and practice.

otherwise I am absolutely BAFFLED by the passing-by of this semester and I'm not too happy about having to take 3 exam finals, wth??

love is Jed Bartlet

By and by we'll defy a little bit of gravity

("Kokomo"/ Beach Boys)

SO WHAT IS UP, GUYS!?

i know i did a really good job with the whole "posting everyday during lent" thing. really awesome, diiidn't even last a week. I'm really proud, as you should be too. but i tell you, i did NOT eat ANY potatoes.....and that counts for something.

I'm also doing a really good job at work right now. Not doing anything, I don't know where the mics are, nor do i really feel like learning, i just started and will son be ending this gig, so i'll just sit here and look pretty and work the lights and screen whenever i'm supposed to. We're watching a little video thing in honor of Warren Beatty who is coming to speak tonight.

I work with two other girls one is a senior and one is freshman. To be honest I couldn't tell you their names if you asked me, and I feel a little bad about that, but I'm not entirely positive that they know mine either. They're nice enough, but I find the freshman nicer than the senior....which I guess i could expect. The senior got engaged about two weeks ago and I overheard the story of how she was proposed to, but i don't entirely remember what happened, it seems really cute though, nothing amazingly original, but certainly sweet. The day that I met her, i saw her earlier in the day, before meeting her, and made a mental comment on what an unfortunate skirt/shirt combination she'd chosen to wear out in the world that day. She spends the majority of her time here at work refreshing her twitter and browsing Perez Hilton and some other gossip site that I am not familiar with. Never ONTD, which is my preferred internet celebrity gossip outlet. I don't think she owns actual shoes, though that's not really necessary in California and she has yet to wear her curly black hair in any style other than an indiscriminate bun well-settled on top of her head. She knows everything about how things function here in the booth and she's the one that actually does everything. She, also, has a tattoo of a snowflake on her foot, and of a treble clef on her right wrist. I really like both of these tattoos in subject and placement and I think that she would probably be a good person to hang out with every once and a while. Like if i went over to a friend's place to hang out one evening and she were part of the group of friends that were there, that could work.

The freshman makes me realize that there is a really big difference between people born in then 1980s and the 1990s. she never knows who any of the guests we have in class are, and then when i question other cousins of my mine born in the 90s, neither do they. I MOST DEFINITELY knew who Maria Shriver and Warren Beatty (two people that they did not know) were when i was their age, which was only a few years ago. I'm afraid to ask them if they know who John F. Kennedy Jr is (well, was). I became obsessed with him when i was 9 and he opened the Oprah fall season that year, introducing his George magazine with Cindy Crawford dresses as george Washington on the cover. sigh. Anyway, as I mentioned, I do find the Freshman to be more accessible, which I think could be chalked up to the fact that,w el, she's a freshman, and there is always that little bright-eyed bushy-tailed feel to them. On my first day another girl who works here, who's name i DO know, exclaimed, "---- you are always SO stylish and put together", upon seeing freshman. I have yet to be wowed by her style choices, although today I do like her shoes. They're from Urban Outiftters, as is her dress, i believe. If "urban outfitter" hipster-indie fashion is what constitutes as "so stylish and put together" then i don't think i'm going to be all too impressed. I'm not saying that I'M "so stylish and put together" because i'm not, but I have been told have a particular type of style, which i'm also not sure what kind it is. But our freshman is as stylish and relevant as one could be when they're from Fresno. I don't know a lot about this place, but I'm almost positive it is everything that I would imagine it to be: small-to-medium conservative city in the middle of California where edgey is shied-away from (although, i'm still unsure of what the word "edgey" really refers to, but i'm almost positive it has to do with urban culture) and the community relishes in being the "largest-city" in the region. it could be whatever it is, but that image will remain in my mind. Freshman is a liberal girl from a conservative middle-of-nowhere culture, which a lot of times more likely means that she's a moderate girl that is fascinated by the idea of diversity and gay culture, it's "cool", as along as this fascination is coupled with open-mindedness in crunch. She works the cameras and sometimes preps mics when the senior can't do it. She obviously knows more than I do at work, but she's worked in this department longer than me, so that's really not an issue in my mind.

to them i am probably the random girl that our boss decided to hire at the end of the semester and has never worked in the booth, but knows all the other bosses. i have sporadic style and have an odd handle on pop culture and random facts. i have a computer than i'm usually on (like them) and have a blackberry that I'm usually simultaneously on. I don't talk very much, only sometimes jumping in on conversation, rarely initiating the exchanges. i always bring water and sit by the light and screen buttons, so that's what i do. i twirl my hair whenever I'm not working or typing. I am also a senior.

oh the assumptions we make about people from the little we know. it's one of my favorite things to note and the revisit as more information is gathered.

love is what we think but never say

"If you don't want a wild one, quit hangin' 'round with me, you knew right from the start, that's my personality"

("Wild one"/Those Darlins)

I never noticed these flowers until I picked them to adorn my grandmother's casket the day we buried her in December. And now, I see them everywhere. Funny how that works.

Love is en la ave de la paz
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

But you are gone- not for good but for now, Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good

("Happiness"/The Fray)

December 15, 2008, Las Brujas, San Jose de las Matas, Santiago, Dominican Republic
Nonvenario de Enriqueta "Prieto" Medina de Estévez
Written and Spoken by CTE; A message on behalf of all the gradchildren.

Llevaremos a mamá en nuestros pensamientos todos los días y para siempre. Siempre acordaremos a mamá como ser tan creativa, creyando a la linda casa donde vivía.
El corazon de mamá vive en esta casa, en cada flor, cada piedra con sonrisa, y cada detalle puesto por su mano.
También la amaremos para siempre por querer hacer algo hermoso de su vida no importando la circunstancia en que vivío; y nosotros tambi´n queremos hacer algo hermosa de nuestras vidas y esta comunidad.
Y también quiero decir que durante todo este novenario yo he llevado este collar que mamá me hizo con tanto amor cuando murió mi abuelo papá Juanico. Este collar el cual yo he llevado con migo como muestra de cariño y respeto hacía ella.

love is in the way she was

Time on your side that will never end, The most beautiful thing you can ever spend

("Oh My God"/ Mark Ronson ft Lilly Allen)

To be fair, I'm still starting this blog entry within the following day of my previous entry, thus still complying with my blogging promise. It would suck to mess it up on the first official day, ya know?

Unfortunately for this first official post...I am brain dead.

There several things that i want to talk abut and elaborate on but there's simply no way that would be able to do it in any fashion that would ustify my dojing it.

So what can I tell you that would at least make this post worth it? I cant even tell you a story about what's going on around me, as I'm just sitting around my apartment, listening to some music, thinking about how tired I am.

I just thought, "Have I ever mentioned how much I like my ringtone?" and then I realized that's probably the stupidest thing i could type out here, as a) no i obvious havent, b) when would have done so in my 8 pithy posts of the year past, c) why would I ever feel the need to say this in a blog entry??

The ringtone that I love just so much that i had to blurt it out on my blog is that jazz song called "Take Five". If dont know it buy name, just look it up, i'm almost positive you know it. it's interesting that i do love it so much, as i rarely hear it..... because nobody calls me. and the only people that do call me, are the same maybe 6-10 people, that each have their own ringtone, because on thing that i enjoy more than my main ringtone....it's assigning ringtones to people.

it's rather amusing to me that i rarely speak on the phone anymore. i was such a chatterbox at one point in my life. from 4th grade through about 7th grade, i spent my entire evening tying up my parent's phone lines with my talking about Buffy, the mean girls in my grade, and about whoever i wasnt actually on the phone with. After 7th grade I pretty much exclusively on aim from the moment i got home from classes into the evening...unless Joey was home. Then, with the beginning of the cellphone age came the regular warnings from my father about my forcing us to go over in our minutes. but now...no one calls me, and i don't really call anyone. unless you count my mother....but she's in a class all her own.

the main reason i dont actually get to hear any of my ringtones and talk to anyone is because of my full-blown addiction to blackberry messenger. it's quite intense. though there's an entire lack of vocal contact, i'm probably closer-to and in better-contact with more people (mainly my cousins) than I ever have been, and i really do love that. especially because that makes me feel like i'm actually still a part of their lives when i leave. which is really, very comforting. but. it really is an addiction. from the moment i wake up, until the moment everyone in the other timezones go to bed. i'm there. they're there. and always have something to say, i promise you. even if it's an update on what we're having for a meal, looking for suggestions on any given happening, or getting general daily updates by the minute. we know it's happening. this goes hand-in-hand with my recent obsession with twitter. one would think that my love for twitter would have extended directly back into blogging....alas. obviously not so much.

i'm just going to stop this now, because it's about as mundane as talking about potatoes. dont worry, we'll get there.

love is what we say when we smile

Believe me I can play games, 'cause I know all the rules

("keep me warm"/ida maria)

so blogging.

This is something that I need to do more of, and that I clearly have fallen off the wagon about. I mean, it's just sad. let's look at the numbers:

2005: 162 posts
this was the year that started my blog, it was also my last year of high school and my first year of college. this blog came following my open diary and my xanga.....yeah, remember that?? no. most of you dont. because none of you were really part of my life at those points.

2006: 96 posts
this was the continued first yar of college into sophomore year, including the chica lit fiesta. and, most importantly, the year papá juanico died, this including some of my saddest entries.

2007: 24 posts
well, that's a dip. the theme continued into 2007, where the year was kicked off by the death of mamá chichila, followed by a summer semester in buenos aires, and a fall weekend trip to costa rica with the OAS. clearly, with all my plane hopping, i didnt see a need for blogging. an error, clearly.

2008: 8 posts.
really? seriously? 8 posts? that's the best i could do for one of my most eventful years on record? wow. i fail. i continued the plane-hopping to new extents and was generally tossed all about by fate in both great and horrible directions. but i'm still standing. and still optimistic.

so here we are.....2009....four years later.

I started this blog in January of my senior year of high school, and I named it "Breathe", because that's what i needed to do. I felt so overwhelmed by my present and my future. I felt like there was no way was going to get out of the mess I'd created for myself. I didn't think i was going to get into college, let alone knowing that was going to end up in California. I was at Lawrenceville. I was a prefect in Stephens (my sophomore/junior dorm). I had a lot of detentions as a result of tardies or not going to Mr Laubackhs Bio class. All of my friends were in McPherson (the senior girl’s dorm) and another was a prefect in Lower. I become really close to one of my sophomore prefectees and my housemasters. I’d just co-directed and set designed for the winter main-stage, (yet black box?), production of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. My best friends were my three girls from Lawrenceville and my cousins. I just decied that I needed to just breathe in order to get myself together enough to get to the next part. And the breathing I am referring to, is the one pointed out my Dew Barrymore’s character in Ever After, befor she enters the ball. She whispers to herself to “Just breathe”. Haha, yeah. I’m not even kidding. That’s where I got the name of my blog...a Drew Barrymore movie.

So, now I’m a senior in college, and as we all know, I came to California. And this is the part where i give you all the correlations between these two times of my life, and the future is at my feet, etc etc. but, again, we all know this. I have similar emotions, though with increase range, thus sadder sadness, but also happier happiness. You know….if that makes sense.

Part of my Lenten promise to myself is that I’m going to blog something everyday. Whether it’s good or bad or is actual wirting or just talking at the world (like this entry), I’m going to say something. It’s just something that I need to do. Also, I’m giving up potatoes.

So this will act as a sort of reflection on 2008, being that I only gave a whopping 8 entries, though a few of them are good, heh. I have another private entry that I need to bring forth

For now I’ll stop making annoyed eyes at the group of teenagers sitting next to me. One of the girls, in an oversized yelo t-shirt, black spandex pants, and, of course, converse sneakers, just pulled a pink camera of out of her fake coach back and took a picture of her friends, who seems to be one of thos are-arent-they high school couples…..the picture is taken with the camera chifted at an angle, of course, and the kids being photographed are not smiling. The boy of the pictured couple just stole the camera, while yellow shirt girl gets back to her yellow ipod (with happy face sticker over the back apple logo) and sugary frappiccino with the “name” “Princess” scrawled along the side. I don’t know what they’re saying because, instead, I have Michael Stipe telling me about “The Great Beyond” in my ears. Both of the boys in this little teen group have wrists covered in multicolored bracelets, some beaded, and some braided, some rubbery. I am tempted to google this and see if it has some recent teenage meaning. Because I feel like I’ve seen a 20/20 or Oprah, where they have something to do with teenage social sex rings. And I feel like the fact that the boys’ wrists are positively covered in them, yet the girls’ have absolutely none, holds some significance.

I just aged about 10 years in my previous paragraph I think I should leave Starbucks.

Happy Fat Tuesday, Everyone! I’ll see you tomorrow with something better to say….I hope. I cant make any promises. I may just talk about poatoes.

Love is what the year will bring.